Saturday, April 26, 2014

A Letter To Our Foster Kids' Mom

Dear ......,

I realized that I know a lot about your kids now and honestly a lot about you, from social workers, probably more than you think a stranger should know about you.  And I am just that, a stranger. You don't know me and you don't even know who is taking care of your kids.  I hope that can change, when the time is right.  I was scared of this at first, but I hope we can meet face to face at some point so you can lay eyes on one of the random humans that have been charged with caring for your children while you take care of things you need to do.

I want you to know that your children are indeed cared for well and that your children are wonderful individuals, with so much personality and so many smiles.  They have been a delight to us in these few months and my heart aches for you that you are not getting to see all the smiles and milestones except for an hour once a week. They don't all fit in that hour, not even close, and I know that must be really hard.

Girl, this parenting stuff is a run for our money huh?  Oof.  I mean, tantrums and diapers and throw up and wakeful nights and simply being two on one, outnumbered by little human beings a fraction of your size that somehow pack a wallop in the stress-you-out department.   I have had so many evenings at home with them that I somehow got to the end of by myself and truly wondered how I did it.  And other evenings where I had someone there to help me and told them I couldn't have gotten through it without them there.   I think of you during these times.  Always.  I don't look down on you as someone who couldn't keep it together as a mom. I just look at you as a mom...because there are times I haven't been able to keep it together as a mom, times I've lost it, blown it, wanted to give up.  You're someone else in the trenches of parenthood, just a different trench, perhaps a harder trench at the moment, with social workers and lawyers firing from all sides.

I'm rooting for you.  I really am.  And I care about you even though we haven't met.  I know you like to change the kids' clothes when you have visits so I really try to plan cute outfits for the diaper bag and include a couple to choose from so you can mix and match.  I want you to have that moment of control, of mothering, of loving and caring for your children.  I'm working on getting some pictures printed for you of Brother picking up Easter eggs.  The kids have loved the presents you have sent back with them. The days-of-the-week socks are a hoot and the Easter bunnies are a hit.  The blue one has some spaghetti sauce on it at the moment...

Hang in there.  We can do this.


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