Trent and I got home a couple hours ago from a quick, wonderful 24 hour trip to Winnsboro to see his family. I drove the whole three hours home because Trent isn't feeling well, so I got home pretty tired and with a bit of a headache. No big deal. But I came in and remembered the laundry I didn't do on Saturday and the dishes we left yesterday before hitting the road. I mostly wanted to sit still with my sickee husband and drink a big glass of water, but instead I unpacked our overnight suitcase, started a load of laundry and did the dishes. A thought...
When the last thing you want to do is dishes...don't do the dishes.
Or insert whatever chore or task fits you. I'm glad the dishes are done. Trent has gone to bed early and the house is quiet except for the rumbling of the dryer tumbling clean clothes. Our little suitcase is empty and back on the closet shelf. I'm really glad these things are done but...I could have just sat still with my husband and had a big glass of water...and what difference would it really have made?
I have been thinking about chores some lately, mostly because I'm kind of amazed at myself for how I don't freak out about them anymore. It's kind of weird honestly, compared to how much I used to dwell on messes or unfinished tasks around here and feel like a failure. Now before you start thinking I'm just turning into a slob, don't. There are a few things I have pinpointed that I think have contributed to my new-found easy going-ness about this:
There is just less mess. Remember last winter when I discovered that the secret to keeping your house clean is to host a Bible study? It's true. Turns out if you keep up with little messes gradually, they don't turn into giant ones. Who knew?
I have tried to stick with my Just Do It attitude that I determined to implement last fall. Worrying and complaining about messes won't make them go away. Jumping in and knocking them out will.
And finally, it is because my focus has changed. My previous, stressed out battle cry was something like "Our life is so busy with youth ministry that we don't have time to have a clean house and a pretty green yard! Whaaaaaaaaa!" Translation: "Our life is so busy pouring into and loving on youth that we don't have time to devote to our worldly possessions!" Um.........lame.
...Ok I just sat here for literally about ten minutes deciding if this is sounding like "look at us and give us gold stickers for being in ministry." I'm really not trying to be like that. I'm trying to issue a challenge to consider where your treasure is. (Matthew 6:19-21) Is your treasure in your spotless house or is your treasure in the mess of toys scattered across your far-from-spotless house from playing with your sweet children? Is your treasure in your perfectly manicured lawn and landscaping or is your treasure in having dear friends over for a hamburger, regardless of the weeds around your grill and the spiderwebs under the eaves of your porch? Is your treasure in your spotless, fancy car or do you treasure the regular ole four wheels you have that are able to give someone a ride to church each week who doesn't have any wheels?
Where is your treasure? Is your treasure in stuff? Or is your treasure in loving others and living the Kingdom of God? If the main thing you want to do is live out some little piece of the Kingdom of God and the last thing you want to do is the dishes.......do not do the dishes. Dishes can wait, but the Kingdom of God is upon us...
Monday, May 28, 2012
Saturday, May 26, 2012
A Great Bible Study Suggestion
I mentioned my Sunday school teacher, Tony, a while back in this post and how much I am enjoying his class. I have actually been absent from class the past two weeks due to vacation and a terrible battle with food poisoning, from our anniversary dinner no less. Ugh.
I'm really enjoying the particular Bible study that we are doing in our class right now. It's really cool and interesting and important. Here it is:
We are studying the book of John. That's it! We do have a small handbook as a guide to some of the themes and stories, (it's called A Walk Thru The Book Of John) but our overall foundation is simply the book of John itself, the Bible itself. What a novel idea! I think a lot of classes or groups really stress over what hip or cool or relevant Bible studies or book studies to do when really we have one right in front of us that is so rich with important information and knowledge. I think there are a lot of really great Bible studies or books out there and I think those can be wonderful for groups to work through and learn from. I don't deny that at all. But what if sometimes, instead of reading and talking about resources that talk about the Bible, we simply read and talk about the Bible itself?
Our class is traipsing through John chapter by chapter, discussing, asking questions, learning, growing. We talked about what Bible study we will do when we are done with the book of John and I am excited about that one too:
Should be great!
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Playing With Hot Rollers aka My Hair Will Not Curl
I chopped my hair off again a few weeks ago so it's kind of short. I got the inkling to attempt to curl it, even though I knew it would be a failure as usual since my hair will. not. hold. a. curl. I always think short curly hair is really cute. So I figured I'd give it a try. I put out an advertisement status on facebook to see if anyone had some hot rollers sitting bored under their sink that I could borrow. My coworker Tom's wife, Mandy, came through for me. A few days after Tom suffered the embarrassment of bringing hot rollers to work (in a bag through which you couldn't even see them), I set to work. Oh and apparently hot rollers from Tom and Mandy come with a light up sword in the bag:
Hot rollers complete...hair completely not curly. Ok, there was a bit of a turn on the ends.
Not wanting to give up there, I whipped out my trusty, dusty curling iron to polish it off a little bit. Then it looked super cute!
For a whole entire...hour... Bye bye curls. Nice knowing ya.
Fail. As usual. And it's really ok. I don't want to pay for products and gadgets to try to have curls. I long ago embraced my straight hair and left it to my sisters Katy and Sarah to have the curly hair in our family. Lil sis Abby Wabby and I represent with the straight hair...except hers will actually curl too. I lose.
Monday, May 21, 2012
Ack! I Got Rid Of My Smart Phone...
It's true. I got rid of my smart phone.
WHAT??
OMG!!
ARE YOU CRAZY??
Ok, calm down. It's not that big a deal. Just kidding, so far it still is. The idea had some time to sink in between when I made the decision and when we found the right deal to carry out the plan. But now that my lovely touch screen HTC Incredible is out of commission for real, I am still in the "What have I done?!" phase. But hold up. I did give up my smart phone and I got a dumb phone. But there's no way I could leave it at that. Are you kidding me? That would be like going back to...2008... So, I also got a tablet too.
I'd like you to meet Napoleon:
Napoleon is a Samsung Galaxy tablet 7.0. Isn't he sleek and fancy? You're probably wondering why I named him Napoleon... Well, it's kind of dumb. And long. But I thought "Tablet is kind of like Tabitha. Hmm, there's a choreographer named Tabitha on my fave show So You Think You Can Dance, and she is married to Napoleon, also a choreographer. Their routines are called NappyTab routines...I could call it NappyTab. But that's just dumb. Hmm, Napoleon...yeah, it can be Napoleon. That'll do."
I'd also like you to meet Sam:
Sam is a Sumsung Intensity II and he is my favorite color, which is honestly one of the main reasons I picked him. Yay blue!!!
He's named Sam because he is a Samsung and because I used up all my other creative naming power for Napoleon... Are you losing faith in my sanity yet? Or did that go out the window when you read the title of this post?
Reasons I made this crazy switch:
~NOT because of money
You have to add a line for a 3G tablet, to cover the data package. Meanwhile my phone line will decrease to just a regular old phone line which is cheapo, so our overall dollar effect each month is the same as it has been, just splitting out the phone and data. Meanwhile, we got Napoleon for a whopping $50 from Verizon with the new line using an online deal, compared to the normal $200 with a new line or $500 straight up for just the tab. So besides that and the 30 bucks we spent on Sam, our net dollar change is zippo. So no, I didn't give up my smart phone to save money.
~I was way too addicted to my smart phone
Think of pretty much any little downtime or free moments in a daily routine, then picture my smart phone in my hand, my eyes focused on its screen instead of anything or anyone else around me. Waiting in line at the grocery store, waiting anywhere really, before I get out of my car and go into the house, even when my husband is sitting across from me while we wait for our food at a restaurant. There have even been times when I have been sitting at our computer and gotten up to date on facebook, email or blogs on the computer and then picked up my phone out of habit...to check facebook, email or blogs. That's so dumb! My stupid smart phone was taking precedence when other things were going on. It was receiving my attention when it should have been given to the human beings around me. I tried simply trying to be better about it, and that helped some, but the temptation was all still right there on my phone. So I decided to go for broke and ditch it. Trent has been operating with the dumb phone + tablet system for months now and he really likes it. Now we are twinkies with matching Galaxy tablets. Aaaaaaw.
~I will still have the mobility and easy access to apps when I want/need them
With the tablet, I'll still have email, facebook, gps, blogger, to-do list, fruit ninja and all the other apps that I have gotten used to using on a regular basis. Since the tablet is a 7.0, meaning it has a 7 inch screen, it is a good size to carry with me whenever I need to and will fit just fine in pretty much any purse I carry. I will actually be able to do some things a lot easier on the tablet than my smart phone given the bigger screen. But, given its bigger size, it's not quite as easy to whip out just any time. I will be less inclined to pull out a 7.0 tablet to check facebook, etc, in all the little downtime moments of life when I could just be.
So we'll see how this goes. I know it will be great once I get used to it, but right now I'm just a couple days into this and still freaking out a tiny bit!
WHAT??
OMG!!
ARE YOU CRAZY??
Ok, calm down. It's not that big a deal. Just kidding, so far it still is. The idea had some time to sink in between when I made the decision and when we found the right deal to carry out the plan. But now that my lovely touch screen HTC Incredible is out of commission for real, I am still in the "What have I done?!" phase. But hold up. I did give up my smart phone and I got a dumb phone. But there's no way I could leave it at that. Are you kidding me? That would be like going back to...2008... So, I also got a tablet too.
I'd like you to meet Napoleon:
Napoleon is a Samsung Galaxy tablet 7.0. Isn't he sleek and fancy? You're probably wondering why I named him Napoleon... Well, it's kind of dumb. And long. But I thought "Tablet is kind of like Tabitha. Hmm, there's a choreographer named Tabitha on my fave show So You Think You Can Dance, and she is married to Napoleon, also a choreographer. Their routines are called NappyTab routines...I could call it NappyTab. But that's just dumb. Hmm, Napoleon...yeah, it can be Napoleon. That'll do."
I'd also like you to meet Sam:
He's named Sam because he is a Samsung and because I used up all my other creative naming power for Napoleon... Are you losing faith in my sanity yet? Or did that go out the window when you read the title of this post?
Reasons I made this crazy switch:
~NOT because of money
You have to add a line for a 3G tablet, to cover the data package. Meanwhile my phone line will decrease to just a regular old phone line which is cheapo, so our overall dollar effect each month is the same as it has been, just splitting out the phone and data. Meanwhile, we got Napoleon for a whopping $50 from Verizon with the new line using an online deal, compared to the normal $200 with a new line or $500 straight up for just the tab. So besides that and the 30 bucks we spent on Sam, our net dollar change is zippo. So no, I didn't give up my smart phone to save money.
~I was way too addicted to my smart phone
Think of pretty much any little downtime or free moments in a daily routine, then picture my smart phone in my hand, my eyes focused on its screen instead of anything or anyone else around me. Waiting in line at the grocery store, waiting anywhere really, before I get out of my car and go into the house, even when my husband is sitting across from me while we wait for our food at a restaurant. There have even been times when I have been sitting at our computer and gotten up to date on facebook, email or blogs on the computer and then picked up my phone out of habit...to check facebook, email or blogs. That's so dumb! My stupid smart phone was taking precedence when other things were going on. It was receiving my attention when it should have been given to the human beings around me. I tried simply trying to be better about it, and that helped some, but the temptation was all still right there on my phone. So I decided to go for broke and ditch it. Trent has been operating with the dumb phone + tablet system for months now and he really likes it. Now we are twinkies with matching Galaxy tablets. Aaaaaaw.
~I will still have the mobility and easy access to apps when I want/need them
With the tablet, I'll still have email, facebook, gps, blogger, to-do list, fruit ninja and all the other apps that I have gotten used to using on a regular basis. Since the tablet is a 7.0, meaning it has a 7 inch screen, it is a good size to carry with me whenever I need to and will fit just fine in pretty much any purse I carry. I will actually be able to do some things a lot easier on the tablet than my smart phone given the bigger screen. But, given its bigger size, it's not quite as easy to whip out just any time. I will be less inclined to pull out a 7.0 tablet to check facebook, etc, in all the little downtime moments of life when I could just be.
So we'll see how this goes. I know it will be great once I get used to it, but right now I'm just a couple days into this and still freaking out a tiny bit!
Friday, May 18, 2012
Happy Anniversary
I just want to give a quick shout out to my wonderful husband today. It's our 4th anniversary...in case you didn't catch that amidst all my blog posts this past week about no longer being newlyweds. I guess more evidence that we are no longer newlyweds can be found in our whereabouts this evening. Trent's in Fort Worth for camp counselor training and I'm fixin' to be in epic chore tornado mode so tomorrow I can just relax while Trent goes to Bastrop for mission trip planning. But it's ok. We spent our second anniversary at church board meeting together and our third at youth group with our kids, so I suppose it's fitting that he has a youth related trip today on our fourth! "You know you're a youth minister's wife when..." :-)
To my husband:
Remember that time we got married? Thank you for being our spider killer and oil changer. Thank you for being the calm when I am sitting under a storm cloud. Thank you for letting some of your go-with-the-flow ability rub off on me and encouraging me not to worry so much. Thank you for putting up with all my random questions that you don't know the answer to. Thank you for introducing me to baseball and fruit ninja and bedtime crosswords. Thank you for the hundreds and hundreds of times you have told me I'm beautiful, even when I don't feel like believing you. Thank you for being my man.
I love you Beanie Boy.
To my husband:
Remember that time we got married? Thank you for being our spider killer and oil changer. Thank you for being the calm when I am sitting under a storm cloud. Thank you for letting some of your go-with-the-flow ability rub off on me and encouraging me not to worry so much. Thank you for putting up with all my random questions that you don't know the answer to. Thank you for introducing me to baseball and fruit ninja and bedtime crosswords. Thank you for the hundreds and hundreds of times you have told me I'm beautiful, even when I don't feel like believing you. Thank you for being my man.
I love you Beanie Boy.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
NLN Part 4 - Life Makes Love Look Hard
Time for the last installment of this No Longer Newlyweds series. I really hope nobody out there is breathing a sigh of relief at that. I hope these have been fun and interesting and not soap boxy.
Taylor Swift has a song that has this line in it: Life makes love look hard. Now I know there are some folks out there who are not Taylor Swift fans, my husband included, but I'm a fan and I like this song. (Sidenote: one thing I don't like is that the music video seems to portray her as an accountant whose job is booooring and she hates it. Lame. Accounting is so hot right now... )
Life makes love look hard. Is that true? Is love hard?
I think love is fun and adventurous. I think sometimes it is hilarious, sometimes it is day to day mundane. I think it brings so much joy and can really make you think and grow. I think love is amazing. But yes, I think love is hard. I'm not necessarily talking about the rough patches, the arguments, the growing pains or the dirty dishes. Let's go a little deeper than that. A big part of loving someone is being selfless. And let's face it. Being selfless is hard.
When you love someone, you give a lot of yourself: time, attention, a listening ear, service, protection, kindness, affection, support. This could be an "I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine" kind of way. But what about something more like "I'll scratch your back because I love you and I know it makes you happy"? Sometimes it's hard to show love without expecting something in return, especially when you are showing love by doing something that isn't super fun to you or doesn't come easily to you.
How about we determine to give it a try though? Being selfless is hard. Sometimes love is hard. But let's do it. What are some ways you can selflessly show love to your spouse today?
P.S. Though I didn't plan for this to happen, there is a country music reference in each of these NLN posts (assuming you believe Taylor Swift is country, which my husband does not). The first person to find them all and put them in a comment below gets an imaginary cookie!
Taylor Swift has a song that has this line in it: Life makes love look hard. Now I know there are some folks out there who are not Taylor Swift fans, my husband included, but I'm a fan and I like this song. (Sidenote: one thing I don't like is that the music video seems to portray her as an accountant whose job is booooring and she hates it. Lame. Accounting is so hot right now... )
Life makes love look hard. Is that true? Is love hard?
I think love is fun and adventurous. I think sometimes it is hilarious, sometimes it is day to day mundane. I think it brings so much joy and can really make you think and grow. I think love is amazing. But yes, I think love is hard. I'm not necessarily talking about the rough patches, the arguments, the growing pains or the dirty dishes. Let's go a little deeper than that. A big part of loving someone is being selfless. And let's face it. Being selfless is hard.
When you love someone, you give a lot of yourself: time, attention, a listening ear, service, protection, kindness, affection, support. This could be an "I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine" kind of way. But what about something more like "I'll scratch your back because I love you and I know it makes you happy"? Sometimes it's hard to show love without expecting something in return, especially when you are showing love by doing something that isn't super fun to you or doesn't come easily to you.
How about we determine to give it a try though? Being selfless is hard. Sometimes love is hard. But let's do it. What are some ways you can selflessly show love to your spouse today?
Our first married Christmas, 2008 |
P.S. Though I didn't plan for this to happen, there is a country music reference in each of these NLN posts (assuming you believe Taylor Swift is country, which my husband does not). The first person to find them all and put them in a comment below gets an imaginary cookie!
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
NLN Part 3 - Quarterly Fights
Sidenote: today marks Trent's second anniversary of being a youth minister. "They" say that if you can make it through the first two years then you are good to go. Well, here we are then! Ready to tackle the rest of this adventure.
Anyway, moving on...
For part 3 of this little No Longer Newlyweds series, I thought I'd talk about fights, arguments, misunderstandings, whatever you want to call them.
One of our youth asked me recently: "Do you and Trent ever fight?" When I nodded and said that yes, we do fight sometimes, the response was one of disbelief. "But y'all seem like the perfect couple." * Real Life Teaching Moment * I explained that even super happy couples have arguments and disagreements sometimes and occasionally hurt each other. But if you have a foundation of love and respect, those scrapes can be gotten through without any rattling effects.
I have heard it said that the first year of marriage is the hardest, contains the most arguments, the most tension, and therefore the most growing and stretching, and that "if you can get through that first year, the rest is smooth sailing." That wasn't really the case for us. From the beginning, when tension has popped up, and believe me it has and does, we have been pretty good about it not eating us alive. Some particular situations reared a pretty yucky head and were totally not fun on either side, but we got through them.
I joke sometimes that Trent and I have quarterly fights, kind of like quarterly estimated tax payments. If you are self employed or have a lot of non-wage income, you know those estimated payments are going to come around every few months, and they aren't going to be fun, but you just have to get through them and pay what is due, then move on. (Nerd example, omg) Our arguments happen here and there, not super often. Sometimes little and lame, sometimes big and bad. I usually cry regardless because I just want the whole world to get along, but I know deep down that we'll be totally fine and will probably even be better for it.
Trent and I are good at fighting. That sounds totally strange, I know, and it has taken me some time to formulate what I even mean by that. Here are some things that I think are good to keep in mind in order to be "good at fighting."
~Don't be afraid of a fight and don't believe that it is the end of the world. If arguments are viewed as negative relationship points and are therefore constantly feared and forever remembered, that is a huge cloud over your relationship! People aren't perfect and people aren't the same. Upsets will happen and you will survive.
~Hold nothing back, but stick to the topic at hand. If opinions and feelings are being flung into the open, by all means, fling away. But don't hunt through your heart for totally unrelated curve balls or zingers that have no purpose but to hurt. You can be angry and still stay on topic.
~Give time and space. Trent and I have a big house that is pretty stretched out. Perfect for getting away from each other after an argument. I'm not kidding! Some arguments can be resolved on the spot, but some are a merry-go-round and eventually everybody needs to get off of it and simmer down. So do it. BUT, see the next point...
~Come together again. I'll never forget the time that Trent and I had argued and subsequently fled to the far corners of our big house for a little while, then, as if on cue, we almost bumped into each other in the kitchen as each of us was headed toward the other's end of the house. Come together again. This is so, so, so important. Even if the issue isn't completely resolved, push the pause button and resolve it another time instead of harboring grudges and waking up with hungover anger the next day. Trent is much better at this step than me. He is usually the one to come retrieve my weepy self from the front window seat or crawl back into bed and put his arm around me. I'm more like the girl in the country song "I Just Want To Be Mad For A While." You don't have to totally make up. You don't have to find the answer. Usually we don't even say anything. But we're back to being a unit, back to being us.
~Learn more about each other and grow closer together. This is impossible to do in the heat of an argument, but is a super important thing to consider when the tornado has left the building. You hear a lot of people later say "I don't even remember what we were arguing about" and I think that is a good place to get to eventually. But before you get there, purposefully think of all the things you were refuting or defending about yourself in the argument and instead of thinking "I was so right, what a great defense I made", try thinking "Is there any room here for improvement on my side? Does this argument bring to light something I could work on to better our relationship, show love to my spouse and prevent future arguments about the same topic?" I know, I know, you're thinking you were so right and she was so wrong or "he started it". Hey, we're not in 2nd grade. If something in your relationship is important enough to get into an argument about, then it is important enough to give some thought to after the fact and see what you personally can do to better that particular situation and better your relationship as a whole.
These are just a few ideas from my experience. All I am able to write about are my own experiences. I know some couples sort of bicker with each other playfully all the time and it's just a part of their relationship that they acknowledge and laugh at. I know there are relationships out there too where fights and arguments are the perpetual norm...that's over my head. I highly doubt there are any relationships out there where there are zero disagreements. That would not provide for much excitement or growth. To quote Brad Paisley, "I know she's not perfect...and I thank God that she isn't, 'cause how boring would that be?" (So much wisdom in country music, haha.)
So, for all you totally normal folks out there who have arguments with your spouse sometimes: Let the games begin...er, continue...
Anyway, moving on...
For part 3 of this little No Longer Newlyweds series, I thought I'd talk about fights, arguments, misunderstandings, whatever you want to call them.
After a canoe trip that Trent said would be no sweat, but actually we wrecked
twice, I lost my shirt, we got bonked and bruised, got stuck on/in/between many
rocks and even got stuck under the flipped canoe under water for a bit.
I was MAD.
I have heard it said that the first year of marriage is the hardest, contains the most arguments, the most tension, and therefore the most growing and stretching, and that "if you can get through that first year, the rest is smooth sailing." That wasn't really the case for us. From the beginning, when tension has popped up, and believe me it has and does, we have been pretty good about it not eating us alive. Some particular situations reared a pretty yucky head and were totally not fun on either side, but we got through them.
I joke sometimes that Trent and I have quarterly fights, kind of like quarterly estimated tax payments. If you are self employed or have a lot of non-wage income, you know those estimated payments are going to come around every few months, and they aren't going to be fun, but you just have to get through them and pay what is due, then move on. (Nerd example, omg) Our arguments happen here and there, not super often. Sometimes little and lame, sometimes big and bad. I usually cry regardless because I just want the whole world to get along, but I know deep down that we'll be totally fine and will probably even be better for it.
Trent and I are good at fighting. That sounds totally strange, I know, and it has taken me some time to formulate what I even mean by that. Here are some things that I think are good to keep in mind in order to be "good at fighting."
~Don't be afraid of a fight and don't believe that it is the end of the world. If arguments are viewed as negative relationship points and are therefore constantly feared and forever remembered, that is a huge cloud over your relationship! People aren't perfect and people aren't the same. Upsets will happen and you will survive.
~Hold nothing back, but stick to the topic at hand. If opinions and feelings are being flung into the open, by all means, fling away. But don't hunt through your heart for totally unrelated curve balls or zingers that have no purpose but to hurt. You can be angry and still stay on topic.
~Give time and space. Trent and I have a big house that is pretty stretched out. Perfect for getting away from each other after an argument. I'm not kidding! Some arguments can be resolved on the spot, but some are a merry-go-round and eventually everybody needs to get off of it and simmer down. So do it. BUT, see the next point...
~Come together again. I'll never forget the time that Trent and I had argued and subsequently fled to the far corners of our big house for a little while, then, as if on cue, we almost bumped into each other in the kitchen as each of us was headed toward the other's end of the house. Come together again. This is so, so, so important. Even if the issue isn't completely resolved, push the pause button and resolve it another time instead of harboring grudges and waking up with hungover anger the next day. Trent is much better at this step than me. He is usually the one to come retrieve my weepy self from the front window seat or crawl back into bed and put his arm around me. I'm more like the girl in the country song "I Just Want To Be Mad For A While." You don't have to totally make up. You don't have to find the answer. Usually we don't even say anything. But we're back to being a unit, back to being us.
~Learn more about each other and grow closer together. This is impossible to do in the heat of an argument, but is a super important thing to consider when the tornado has left the building. You hear a lot of people later say "I don't even remember what we were arguing about" and I think that is a good place to get to eventually. But before you get there, purposefully think of all the things you were refuting or defending about yourself in the argument and instead of thinking "I was so right, what a great defense I made", try thinking "Is there any room here for improvement on my side? Does this argument bring to light something I could work on to better our relationship, show love to my spouse and prevent future arguments about the same topic?" I know, I know, you're thinking you were so right and she was so wrong or "he started it". Hey, we're not in 2nd grade. If something in your relationship is important enough to get into an argument about, then it is important enough to give some thought to after the fact and see what you personally can do to better that particular situation and better your relationship as a whole.
These are just a few ideas from my experience. All I am able to write about are my own experiences. I know some couples sort of bicker with each other playfully all the time and it's just a part of their relationship that they acknowledge and laugh at. I know there are relationships out there too where fights and arguments are the perpetual norm...that's over my head. I highly doubt there are any relationships out there where there are zero disagreements. That would not provide for much excitement or growth. To quote Brad Paisley, "I know she's not perfect...and I thank God that she isn't, 'cause how boring would that be?" (So much wisdom in country music, haha.)
So, for all you totally normal folks out there who have arguments with your spouse sometimes: Let the games begin...er, continue...
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
NLN Part 2 - No Pants, No Problem
Hey, get your mind out of the gutter. I'm not literally talking about not wearing pants. This is a G rated blog series...
I'm gonna be honest here and say that I have a lot of thoughts for this post and so far they aren't all coming together in a super smooth fashion so this might be all over the place. Bear with me as I dive in...
I'm gonna be honest here and say that I have a lot of thoughts for this post and so far they aren't all coming together in a super smooth fashion so this might be all over the place. Bear with me as I dive in...
Ever heard someone say "It's obvious who wears the pants in that relationship"? It is usually said in jest, but it usually makes me cringe a little bit nonetheless, because it usually means that somebody in that relationship is the boss, somebody has more control. Even if it's meant to be funny, it means that the other somebody is being smushed.
Trent and I believe that a marriage should be a partnership. I take it a nerdy step further and kind of like the idea of a marriage being a Limited Liability Company because the concept of spousal attribution implies that the married couple is the sole owner of said LLC as one unit. (At least in Texas) That's kind of romantic, right? In a super nerdy kind of way?
I digress.
A marriage is a joining of two individuals who will each bring many different strengths, weaknesses, ideas, and abilities to the table. Doesn't it sound like a good plan to try to capitalize on all those differing things for the good of the relationship as a whole instead of one person's strengths, ideas, etc, being given greater importance? I'm talking about the whole spectrum, from little stuff like who does which chores to big picture things like kids, careers and life dreams.
Throw stereotypes out the window! I mean a couple things by this:
~Your marriage needs to be your marriage, not some version of what the world or the church or the news say your marriage should be. You and your spouse know each other deeply and therefore both of you together with God are the authority over how you make your marriage work. Lots of people out there will give you advice and opinions, sometimes solicited, sometimes unsolicited. But you and your spouse need to prayerfully filter all of that in the context of your marriage.
~Stereotypes will probably develop within your relationship and that's cool, but allow those to break down occasionally. Let me explain. I am the doer of the laundry in our household and that's great. It's a norm or stereotype that has developed and it works well. But today I came home planning to start our vacation laundry and found that Trent had already done two loads. Or, Trent is the mower of thegrass random green stuff in our yard, but a few weeks ago he was sick and it was a jungle so I tackled it. These are little things to illuminate my point (hopefully?) but it could be big stuff too. Do you follow one spouse's job or have you moved because of it? What if you turned the tables and moved cities for the other spouse's job so they could follow their dream career instead? Find norms that work for your marriage but don't feel like you have to then be locked into them.
Trent and I have a motto or slogan for our relationship: Hand In Hand. It was in our wedding vows. It's on the canvas that Steph made for us. It's how we live out our marriage. There's a song by Jo Dee Messina that says "I want a man who stands beside me, not in front of or behind me." I really like that phrase because it goes with this idea of walking hand in hand. You have to be side by side, on equal footing, in order to be comfortably hand in hand. Does that mean you have to see eye to eye on everything? No. Does that mean you both have to give equal effort to every task, decision, or problem that arises? No. Does that mean you both have to be equally good at everything? Of course not. It's not an issue of being two versions of the same person, it's an issue of equally considering the strengths, weaknesses, ideas and abilities of both and putting those into play in a way that best suits your marriage and brings you together as a unit.
Trent and I believe that a marriage should be a partnership. I take it a nerdy step further and kind of like the idea of a marriage being a Limited Liability Company because the concept of spousal attribution implies that the married couple is the sole owner of said LLC as one unit. (At least in Texas) That's kind of romantic, right? In a super nerdy kind of way?
I digress.
A marriage is a joining of two individuals who will each bring many different strengths, weaknesses, ideas, and abilities to the table. Doesn't it sound like a good plan to try to capitalize on all those differing things for the good of the relationship as a whole instead of one person's strengths, ideas, etc, being given greater importance? I'm talking about the whole spectrum, from little stuff like who does which chores to big picture things like kids, careers and life dreams.
Throw stereotypes out the window! I mean a couple things by this:
~Your marriage needs to be your marriage, not some version of what the world or the church or the news say your marriage should be. You and your spouse know each other deeply and therefore both of you together with God are the authority over how you make your marriage work. Lots of people out there will give you advice and opinions, sometimes solicited, sometimes unsolicited. But you and your spouse need to prayerfully filter all of that in the context of your marriage.
~Stereotypes will probably develop within your relationship and that's cool, but allow those to break down occasionally. Let me explain. I am the doer of the laundry in our household and that's great. It's a norm or stereotype that has developed and it works well. But today I came home planning to start our vacation laundry and found that Trent had already done two loads. Or, Trent is the mower of the
Trent and I have a motto or slogan for our relationship: Hand In Hand. It was in our wedding vows. It's on the canvas that Steph made for us. It's how we live out our marriage. There's a song by Jo Dee Messina that says "I want a man who stands beside me, not in front of or behind me." I really like that phrase because it goes with this idea of walking hand in hand. You have to be side by side, on equal footing, in order to be comfortably hand in hand. Does that mean you have to see eye to eye on everything? No. Does that mean you both have to give equal effort to every task, decision, or problem that arises? No. Does that mean you both have to be equally good at everything? Of course not. It's not an issue of being two versions of the same person, it's an issue of equally considering the strengths, weaknesses, ideas and abilities of both and putting those into play in a way that best suits your marriage and brings you together as a unit.
As I suspected, that was indeed kind of all over the place. So, in conclusion, I couldn't find any cute pictures of us that had to do with pants, but I remembered this incriminating church camp photo of Trent wearing some ridiculous pants...and some other ridiculous attire...
Do not ask. I already did, and Trent himself has no explanation for the bundle of hilarity shown above.
And with that, I leave you...
Monday, May 14, 2012
NLN Part 1 - Forever Newlyweds
Time for Part Uno of my No Longer Newlyweds series! Yaaay. This is kinda weird. I've suddenly got self imposed writing deadlines.
I have a question for you.
Why do people stop being newlyweds? Why do married people often look back so fondly on their newlywed days and miss them because things aren't like that anymore? (Cue Trace Adkins singing "You're Gonna Miss This") Why does the word newlywed itself imply that it is just a temporary blissful phase of life that will soon fade away?
Oh sorry, that was actually three questions.
Now, for anyone out there who likes to dissect words, I know that newlywed means newly wed, as in, just got married not that long ago. But what about the rest of it, the bliss, the happiness, the I Love Yous, the time spent together, the missing each other even when you're just at work, the desire to do everything possible to please the other, the continual getting to know each other, all that stuff that is associated with the newlywed phase? Why does that so often go away after a while? I know a lot of couples find a new norm as they tackle life together, but how cool would it be if that drunk on love feeling from the beginning hung around...for the rest of your lives together?
I think that's possible. It might take a bit of conscious effort, but I think it's possible.
Trent and I are kind of living that right now. We mostly still act like newlyweds, or at least our youth seem to think so based on their cute reactions sometimes to how we treat each other. Some of it is natural and easy, some of it takes effort to maintain. Of course our life has changed since our wedding day, and so have we, and so has our relationship, but there are some things that have remained the same over these past four years...
I still just stare at the sparkly ring on my hand sometimes and can't believe it's really mine.
I have a question for you.
Why do people stop being newlyweds? Why do married people often look back so fondly on their newlywed days and miss them because things aren't like that anymore? (Cue Trace Adkins singing "You're Gonna Miss This") Why does the word newlywed itself imply that it is just a temporary blissful phase of life that will soon fade away?
Oh sorry, that was actually three questions.
Now, for anyone out there who likes to dissect words, I know that newlywed means newly wed, as in, just got married not that long ago. But what about the rest of it, the bliss, the happiness, the I Love Yous, the time spent together, the missing each other even when you're just at work, the desire to do everything possible to please the other, the continual getting to know each other, all that stuff that is associated with the newlywed phase? Why does that so often go away after a while? I know a lot of couples find a new norm as they tackle life together, but how cool would it be if that drunk on love feeling from the beginning hung around...for the rest of your lives together?
I think that's possible. It might take a bit of conscious effort, but I think it's possible.
Trent and I are kind of living that right now. We mostly still act like newlyweds, or at least our youth seem to think so based on their cute reactions sometimes to how we treat each other. Some of it is natural and easy, some of it takes effort to maintain. Of course our life has changed since our wedding day, and so have we, and so has our relationship, but there are some things that have remained the same over these past four years...
We still hold hands.
May 18, 2008 |
Canvas that Steph made for us April 2011, showing our relationship motto: Hand in Hand |
We still smooch.
December 2008, Graduation! |
July 2011, visiting Trent while he was at church camp for two weeks |
He still gives me flowers.
October 2008, what I came home to at our little apartment after a particular week of grad school that almost killed me. |
February 2012, Friday Flowers for no reason |
We still make an effort to pursue pastimes that we enjoy together, like baseball.
March 2009 - Houston College Classic, 14 hours of baseball! |
April 2012 - cold, windy game in College Station (Feed the Beaver!) |
November 2011, mini vacation to Galveston |
I still just stare at the sparkly ring on my hand sometimes and can't believe it's really mine.
On our honeymoon, still getting used to the wedding bands on our hands. |
January 2012, after I got it back from being cleaned at the jeweler. SO SHINY! |
We are still best friends.
October 2008 |
June 2011, Galveston mission trip |
I'm sure some of you reading this are thinking "That's really cute Anna, but just wait until you have kids. Then all of this newlywed talk will go out the window!" I know things will change whenever we have kids. A lot. And I know that we will have less time for just us, but look again at all the things I mentioned above that contribute to our lasting drunk on love feeling. Does having kids have to nix any of those?
~Holding hands, smooching and giving flowers are all super examples of healthy affection for kids to observe. No need for those to stop. "But, money..." Hand holding and kisses are fa-ree, and grocery stores sell some very pretty flowers for 4 bucks. Some roadsides even grow them for free. :-)
~We're hugely hoping that our kids will like baseball so they can enjoy that with us and otherwise we plan to budget for babysitters regularly in order for us to spend time together as a couple doing things we enjoy. My parents set a great example of that. They paid babysitters and went on dates all the time. We have a line item in our budget right now just for Starbucks...we'll just add a whole line just for babysitting! If you budget for it, you give yourself permission to spend on it.
~The silliness and dorky-ness (sp?) in us will actually probably increase once we have kids to be silly with, so that will be big fun.
~I think I will forever be distracted by shiny things, so the ring on my hand will forever be a source of fascination to me. I will be forever thankful for the man who gave it to me.
~I'm pretty sure during the craziness of having and raising children, having a best friend by your side the whole time is a major WIN.
These are our things, our habits, our quirks, our priorities, that help keep up those feelings of "Holy cow, I can't believe I get to live each day with this person!" and "This is so fun!" What are yours? Or...what were yours? Are you years into a marriage and still just as exploding with love as you were the day you said "I do"? Or are you years into it and wondering what happened to that spark, wondering where your newlywed feelings and habits went? What I'd say for either situation: talk about it together. If you are in the first situation, celebrate it!! Give each other a high five and celebrate the little things and the big things that are your "things" that help keep you on fire for each other and for your marriage. If you are in the second spot and you're feeling kind of oldywed, take a bit of time together to recall what your newlywed things are. Or if your newlywed things really are a sweet memory of the past and you have both moved on to your new norm and are cool with that, talk about what your new things are, be intentional about those and celebrate those. Then make an effort to do those things together! Make a plan, make a list (I love lists), make sure you are both on board. Then go for it.
Hold hands, smooch, tickle, laugh at inside jokes, climb a mountain, train to run a 5K, sing to each other, watch black and white movies, plant a garden, go on a road trip with no map, follow your sports team, go on a picnic, cook a fancy meal together...
What are your things?
Hold hands, smooch, tickle, laugh at inside jokes, climb a mountain, train to run a 5K, sing to each other, watch black and white movies, plant a garden, go on a road trip with no map, follow your sports team, go on a picnic, cook a fancy meal together...
What are your things?
Sunday, May 13, 2012
No Longer Newlyweds Series
On May 18th, Trent and I will celebrate our fourth anniversary. FOUR YEARS! What? When did that happen? Time flies when you are having fun. After four years, I think it's safe to say that we are no longer newlyweds, don't you think? I'm not entirely sure when that phase ended, but I'm pretty sure it has. And that's ok.
It seems like just the other day we were trotting out of the church, being showered with rose petals by people that love us, and driving off to our new married life together...
P.S. We had an awesome trip this past week. Sneak peek:
It seems like just the other day we were trotting out of the church, being showered with rose petals by people that love us, and driving off to our new married life together...
Sometimes it is hard to believe it has been four years!
We have learned a lot in those four years. We have gotten some things right, gotten some things wrong. We've had some little rough patches but we always make it through. We start with our foundation of love and respect and just go through life from there, together, hand in hand.
In honor of our fourth anniversary and the lessons learned in these last four years, I'm going to post my first ever...drum roll please...blog series! Yaaaay. It's called No Longer Newlyweds and will be in four parts:
Part 1: Forever Newlyweds
Part 2: No Pants, No Problem
Part 3: Quarterly Fights
Part 4: Life Makes Love Look Hard
So stay tuned for a heart to heart about what we've learned about being married. It's a wonderful adventure.P.S. We had an awesome trip this past week. Sneak peek:
Friday, May 4, 2012
So Close I Can Taste It!
Y'all. I just left the office, not to return until May 14th. Whoop whoop. Vacaaaation! Fun sad fact: I have not taken an entire week off for the sole purpose of vacation in the 3.3415 full time years I have been at my job. I took off a week for mission trip last year but that wasn't exactly restful! Otherwise my vacation time gets used up by a day here and there, a long weekend here and there. So...I'm PUMPED!
What am I doing for this vacation, you ask? I will tell you. Because I don't think I have mentioned it here before. Trent and I are headed to the airport together on Sunday after church, then he is flying to Washington DC for a youth ministry conference and I am flying to Durham, NC to visit my college roomie Rach. I haven't seen her since she got mawwied last summer...
What am I doing for this vacation, you ask? I will tell you. Because I don't think I have mentioned it here before. Trent and I are headed to the airport together on Sunday after church, then he is flying to Washington DC for a youth ministry conference and I am flying to Durham, NC to visit my college roomie Rach. I haven't seen her since she got mawwied last summer...
We'll live it up in Durham until Thursday morning when she will deposit me at the RDU airport to hop a short flight up to DC to join my man. His conference ends on Thursday so we are going to stay in DC for a few more days of plain old vacation together. Yaaaaaaay! We haven't had a big trip together since our honeymoon, so this will be great. We have both been to DC before, but not together, and it was on our list of places to hopefully go together someday. Last time I was there was for the Baylor accounting program grad trip in 2008 and it included a trip to the FBI Academy...
Sadly, I don't think there will be any target practice on this trip. But don't I have grrreat hair in that picture?? ...priorities...
I digress.
I am stoked about this trip and Sunday can't get here fast enough! Vacaaaaaaation!
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